Description
The third in my series of 900 ethereal, angel-like creatures.
"Epitaph of Flames" is a recall to myself that has come and gone-
I was once a feeble, shell of a person- abused for roughly 15 years, I was forced through a regimen of mind games, gaslighting, spite, and all around belittlement.
Cornered into a hole for so long, I forgot what the light that shone above actually looked like- I remember being about 16 or 17, my motto at the time being "keep moving forward"- a form of self soothing that led me out of some of the darkest times in life-
Those simple words kept me afloat, but the mental torture was becoming too much- I began to think, not "what if I ended it" but "what if I just didn't exist"- a difficult thing for me to admit/express at times.
But even then, I was manifesting a future for myself in which I saw abundance, success, and all around being able to just *live* not under the thumb of a personal tyrant.
I am still at times haunted, mostly around February, as that was the time worst came to worst, and I was forced out of home- not because I did anything inherently bad, mind you- it was because the tyrant that played mind games with me, began to realize I would not follow their confusing, tormenting orders any more.
I remember being terrified- I didn't have any of my personal belongings other than what I had on my back, my phone, and my car- the comfort of my room was no longer-
And though it terrified me, it instilled in me an evermore fervent vigor to keep going- to press the odds against my chest, and tell them, rightfully so, to fuck off.
And so I did. Around that time my girlfriend began to help me realize the fallacies that were my entire life, pushing me to grow, to bud, and to flower-
It was difficult certainly, but I pressed on- at that point I felt invincible- if I could survive the mental torture, I could survive absolutely anything- and so I did.
I will discuss more about this growth, but that is for another artwork of The 900 Project.